The Order of Saint Ballistica

I have started the Order of Saint Ballistica. It is a religious order. More or less.

Anyone is welcome to join, provided one can fulfill the requirements, as listed following:

One: Know and observe all the requirements of basic, mainstream, Christianity. (Orthodox or not, but observing a sense of mutual Christian respect and love and consideration for the details of others observance.)

Two: In addition, an adherent of the Order of Saint Ballistica must observe three additional sacrements:

* Firearms ownership. One must of one’s own volition own and approve of firearms and firearms ownership. If prevented by law or circumstance, one must be in favor of firearms ownership.

* Firearms possession. One must be in possession of a firearm, loaded and adequately maintained for use. Again, if prevented by law or circumstance, one must be in favor of such activity and state of being.

* Coffee.





Yes. One must have a gender.

Application process and membership bestowal:

In good faith, an applicant will acknowledge the above and post a placard showing affiliation in a reasonably visible place.

Excommunication process:

Should a member be found in blatant violation of the above requirements, a quorum of four other members will gather in view of the violator, point at the violator and say, “Neener, neener, neener!” followed by evidencing the raspberry.

Then go for coffee and exchange lies about one’s shooting ability.



Filed under Firearms and their use, General Idiocy, religion

6 responses to “The Order of Saint Ballistica

  1. Reblogged this on Brittius and commented:
    Well.., it’s a lot better than the previous order, where cheeks were pinched and wrenched around and around, then you were shown the door.
    The place was overrun with little old ladies and kids holding their cheeks from being pinched.

  2. I just got my cheeks pinched. Then the stories about when I was little and changing diapers. They never let me get to the door.

  3. Tom Chumley

    I would like to take the oath and become a member of the order. We might consider an emblem or member badge, something like an expended cartridge case suspend on a red white and blue ribbon. But perhaps I go too far.


  4. Like the blog says, if in good conscience you qualify, put a sign on the front door or so.

    I thought an emblem might be too much. But I thought the official uniform would be a brown, loose monk’s robe with hoodie; leather sandals, and a Government Model on a Sam Brown belt. Just a thought.

    Perhaps ‘orders’ have changed in time.

  5. R. M. Datus

    Again, an elitist left-wing organization is being formed that (1) prohibits those whose stellar faith forbids the partaking of demon coffee bean; and, (2) prohibits from membership those who eschew “mainstream:” Wishing the remaining membership to be adequately protected, this heretic would amend the charter to require the ownership and proficient use of at least one Glock pistol of 9mm of larger calibre.

    • “Left-wing”? R. M., have you been sniffing the formaldehyde again? Just off your meds?

      For those not acquainted with my dear friend Datus, he is indeed a dear friend and colleague. He is a retired lawman of the revolver and pre-spray era. He is very intelligent and has great knowledge and experience.

      However he does have episodes of what we called in the old days as ‘fits’. He does not drink coffee and, citing actions of some three hundred or so years ago, he avoids Christianity. R. M., the Order is a ‘religious’ (sort of) organization. One does not join a Buddhist order if not a Buddhist. One does not join a Roman Catholic order if not Roman Catholic. (I’m not sure if Scientologists have ‘orders’, but I’m sure the same would apply.)

      In the interest of good taste, I shall avoid mentioning the brand name to which he refers.

      But I love (phileo) him anyway. He’s a good fellow even if he confuses satire with bad taste. :rimshot!:

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